abisexualfeminist:
Anonymous asked: So I’m writing a book series with a bisexual main character. It’s not all about romance but it has a romance subplot, first she is with another girl but they break up because her girlfriend has different goals in life. And at the end, the main character starts a relationship with one of her friends who is a boy. A friend of mine (who is a lesbian so I guess she is biased, I’m bi btw) thinks that it is homophobic to have her end with a guy. (part 1)
(part 2) But I don’t think it’s homophobic since my character is bisexual and the point of that is that she is attracted to more than one gender. But I’ve had some doubts so I decided to ask you if you would consider that bad bisexual representation.
I don’t think it’s inherently biphobic or homophobic for a bisexual (female) character to start a relationship with a man at the end of the story. However, I can understand your friend’s point, and there are some legitimate concerns about what that kind of ending to your subplot would imply.
One of the worst and most prevailing stereotypes for bisexuals, and especially women, is that they really aren’t bisexual and just do it to impress guys or would always go with a guy given the chance. It’s similar to how bisexual men are assumed to be “actually” gay.
This is the result of a society that is completely centered around men and male entitlement and how even queer women will want to be with them “in the end.”
I’m not saying that you’re trying to show that or you believe that or anything like that at all, but I think you should be aware of how this looks and especially to any queer and/or feminist readers you may have. Not only does it wind up playing into heterosexist portion of society but it also plays into how women are perceived to need a man or want a man no matter what.
I’m not going to tell you how to end your story or how to write the plot. I’m a writer myself so I understand how sometimes things just have to happen because that’s how the story comes out organically. But do keep in mind alternative endings for this subplot. Your main character could decided she doesn’t want a relationship at all for particular reasons. She could enter into a relationship with a transman or someone not on the binary. Or she could very well enter into a relationship with a cisman (who may or may not be queer, I don’t know since I don’t have much information). These are all options you should dutifully explore when working on your series.
If you ever have any other questions, feel free to ask. I hope this helped. I also recommend that you look through other bisexual tumblrs and feminist tumblrs for discussions that might be helpful. The first one to come to mind is fandomsandfeminism, who does a great job of exploring queer and feminist issues in media.
Good luck on your writing, and thanks for asking. :)
I wanted to weigh in with a few thoughts on this question and this answer, since it relates to bisexuals in fiction. And since I’m up tonight with a brain full of thoughts on the matter.
First and foremost, I think its a lousy lesbian friend that claims a bisexual woman ending up with a man is homophobic. That is NOT good ally behavior. Its logical extension is that ‘it’s okay for women to be bisexual only if they continue to date women or end up with women’. That seems very erasing to me. The only way for bisexual women characters in fiction is to not be homophobic is to make them act exactly like lesbian characters? I call shenanigans on that.
There is a huge problem with this stereotype that ‘all bi women will leave you for a man’, but I don’t think that problem comes from heterosexual assumptions alone. That particular stereotype comes from the lesbian community and deals directly with them inflicting their own frustration at heterosexual assumptions on bisexual women. It’s monosexist as hell and very damaging to bi women. Instead of attacking a heterosexual power structure, they attack bi women. It’s crappy.
The truth is that many bisexual women do end up with men. Lesbians need to accept and face that the partners bisexual women choose ARE NOT a referendum on them or their sexual orientation. It has nothing to do with them. There are bisexual women who date men that are LONGING to see themselves in fiction. Lesbians are under-represented in fiction, but bisexual women who end up with men are even more so.
As such, I reject the idea that it is homophobic to incorporate a common and accurate portrayal of the lives of many bisexual women into fiction. Making lesbians feel bad, frustrated, or insecure is not the same as homophobia.
This whole stereotype thing reminds me of a lot of third-wave feminist conversations about the word ‘slut’. Do we want to emphasize that women are not sluts? Or do we want to ask what is wrong with being a slut? Do writers want to emphasize that bisexuals don’t all go back to men? Or do you want to ask, “hey wait what is so wrong about a bisexual woman who finds love with a man?”
This writer could do all the things that abisexualfeminist suggested - minimize or remove the relationship, make the man bi/queer/trans, etc. But I think all that misses the point. Changing the story in that way doesn’t challenge any stereotypes; it validates them and I just can’t get behind that.
Bigger than who a character dates, is a bisexual character well rounded? Even if she is just a minor character, is she defined by herself or by who she is dating? If she is a out bisexual woman, then I don’t see anything at all homophobic about her ending a relationship with a woman and consequently pursuing one with a man. It is a realistic depiction of our sexual orientation. I don’t think that a bisexual character should have to couch, sugar coat, and diminish the realities of our lives to make things more palatable to a monosexual audience.
Now, if a bisexual character is poorly written — ie she comes off as a lesbian one minute and straight the next or if she seems like she NEEDS a man because a woman can’t complete her or if all she ever needs a good dicking dammit, then yes that is homophobic. But a well written bisexual character that ends up with man is not homophobic by any stretch of the imagination. If that is where this muse is taking this writer, then I applaud it and wish this author the best!
~ Sarah
